Top 10 Lessons Learned from Miss Universe

I have not watched a beauty pageant in years.  Come to think of it, I was totally over them at the ripe old age of about 13 when I realized how garish they were (especially in the mid-90's).  So, when my friend JC had a few of us over for a viewing party I thought what the hell.  If anything, we can have a few laughs, play fashion police, and pass judgment on beautiful people with mile-long legs and impossibly toned waistlines.  Click the video below for the whole shebang boiled down to three minutes. 

Top 10 takeaways from the 2010 Miss Universe pageant:

1. Tranny-worthy eye makeup makes you look 10 years older than you are.  Most of these girls are in their early 20's, but you would have no idea with all that eyeliner.

2.  Platform heels in the same color as your dress don't make you look taller....they make you look like a stripper-bridesmaid. 

3.  When picking a dress, always go for Oscar worthy.  It worked for Miss Mexico.  She was the only one of the finalists who had a dress worthy of an Academy Award acceptance speech.  All the others would have wound up on a worst-dressed list.  Lace + sequins + body-con + shiny = no bueno.

4.  When speaking into a microphone, never start by saying, "Hello Las Vegas!".

5.  Lauren Conrad called, and she wants everyone to stop doing the loose sexy waves thing with their hair.  It's so Laguna Beach.

6.  Acrylic nails are not ok under any circumstances.

7.  Bret Michaels is a dirty old man....and I think he's bald under that bandana.

8.  Girls with obviously fake boobs never win.

9.  If I see another Chi or Biosilk commercial I am going to jump out the window.  

10.  Niki Taylor was the most beautiful woman involved in the pageant!