Golden Globes S*C Red-Carpet Rundown! The Best and The Rest.

Some children aspire to be doctors, lawyers, or astronauts....I aspired to be a member of the Fashion Police.  Now that awards season was officially kicked off last night with the Golden Globes, my talons are sharpened and, I am ready to give kudos to whom it is due and shake the wagging finger of shame to our less than stellar starlets.  Let the games begin!

Click here for the full slide-show on Style.com.

The LOVES!

#1 - Eva Longoria in Zac Posen

#2 - Mila Kunis in Vera Wang

#3 - Juliane Moore in Lanvin

Now, this is how you do Calvin Klein - Emma Stone

This pink Calvin Klein is so perfect for Claire Danes --- and I hate pink.

Jane Lynch is amazing in this Ali Rahimi dress.

A bit reptilian, but I am loving Annie Hathaway in her Armani Prive paillettes.

The HATES...

This is the most glam poolside swimsuit/sarong combo EVER.  Halle Berry in Nina Ricci.

Jennifer Love Hewitt--worst dressed, as usual.  Must she always go for the fairy princess/wedding cake topper look? 

I am so over the 'dress in tatters' look Julie Bowen is rocking.

Lose the sleeves or lose the length.  So matronly for Leighton Meester.

Valentino?? If I were that man I would come out of retirement.  Michelle Williams should know that this is not a dress you wear to give an acceptance speech.  Self-fulfilling prophecy.  Ouch!

Gunshot wound to the chest?  She should have channeled Mila Kunis for Globes' night wardrobe too.

For a split second I though Sandra Bullock was a Kardashian.

I bet Helen Mirren would look stunning in this!  A little grandma Scar-Jo.

Please leave this look to Carolina Herrera.  Tilda Swinton in Jil Sander

 Get ready for the Oscars on February 27th!!

Oscar Rundown: The Good, the Bad, and the Boring

I think the Oscars is one of the hardest awards shows to pick apart; mainly because it seems that everyone uses a stylist to make their fashion choices.  Long gone are the days of Cher in Bob Mackie, Demi Moore in biker shorts, and Juliette Lewis in cornrows.  They say money can't buy style.....but, it can buy you a stylist.

Remember: 1) I may love someone as an actor, but that will have no bearing on if they look great in my book or not. 2) I never pick on spouses, girlfriends, or guests because they are just along for the ride. 3) I try to look past the plastic surgery, botox'd faces, and hair and makeup faux pas to focus on the clothes, shoes, and accessories.

The Good...

Project Runway alum Chris March blew it out of the water with this number.  Dresses with sleeves are so sophisticated.  Christian Siriano who?  Haha.

You know they say 'dress for the job you want, not the one you have'.  Well, she dressed for the job of 'Best Actress' and got it.  Hired!

 The best print of the night:  Great color but with a simple silhouette.  I would wear this.

Glam! This dress looked as great on TV as it did on the red carpet.

Tina Fey gets a gold star after her Golden Globes debacle.  Reminds me of Kate Winslet's dress last year.  Rock those curves!

The Bad...  

 Hands down worst Oscar dress of the year.  But, at least she didn't have a flower over her crotch.

Cougar alert!  Mariah Carey wearing a tight dress with an enormous slit, tons of cleavage, and ridiculously high heels.  Shocking!! 

 Dammit stand up straight!  You can take the girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl.

 

 Help!  I am being attacked by a coral reef!

Zoe has been a busy girl, but that is no match for the 6 colors and three fabrics of this dress.  And, I thought we were going to get a crotch shot when the lifted up her dress to walk to the presenters stand.

The Boring...

If your dress is exactly the same color as your skin, you get an automatic 'boring' vote in my book.

I like Penelope Cruz, but I feel like she wears this dress every year in a different color....and what is up with the lopsided bodice. 

And Finally...

I must have a tribute to Kathy Ireland's one and only trip hosting the red carpet.  I felt like she was announcing a beauty pageant....for robots.

Domo arigato, Mr. Robato...

Images courtesy of Style.com and US Weekly

Reporting Live from Chateau Marmont!

Late, breaking news!  Sure I love watching Live from the Red Carpet and the Oscar telecast, but how would you like to get the dish before the dishers get the dish?  Four of my besties will be staying at the Chateau Marmont this weekend in Los Angeles.  Yes, that right....the most coveted hotel in all of LA is sure to be bursting at the seams with movie stars and all the 'Who's Who of Being Fabu' in town for Oscar festivities.  Two have even wrangled invites to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party, so who knows what beans they will spill!  I have turned over the keys to the Shitty-Chic castle so they can mobile upload, status update, and tweet their hearts out via the Shitty-Chic Facebook fan page and Twitter @ShittyChic.  Wheels up for my crew at EWR...Chateau here they come!   

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@ShittyChic on Twitter

Test Your Oscar Fashion IQ

 I think it is time for a little afternoon break, and there is nothing better to do this week than take an Oscar fashion quiz courtesy of Style.com.  With only three days left, I am beginning to brim with excitement and also realize the crush is on to see any remaining movies I have on my Oscar pre-ceremony viewing list (Up in the Air, An Education).  Going through the quiz makes me giddy for the red carpet and also makes me think that I do in fact have the memory of an elephant and/or use way too many brain cells on this hobby of mine called fashion.  I scored a 12 out of 15 at which Style.com promptly congratulated me and said I did so well I deserve to be nominated.  Well, I don't know about that, but I would settle for an invitation to the ceremony...or the Vanity Fair after-party.  

Click here to take the quiz. 

Grammy Fashion Roundup

I feel very strongly that Grammy fashion can't be held to the same haute standards as the Oscars or the Golden Globes. I really put it more on par with the MTV Video Music Awards goes to prom. So, it is truly pointless to do a "good, bad, and boring" rundown since most are bad, few are good, and even fewer are boring. But, it does open up the playing field for a wonderful commentary by caption....they are just such easy targets. Feel free to add anything I left out in the Comments section.

Hey there Banana Boat! Go back to the Marilyn blonde immediately. I love this, but I just can't with the muppet yellow.

If your thighs touch and you are not on a runway, you should not be wearing this outfit.

Taylor Swift: Prom Queen

Follow the yellow brick road...follow the yellow brick road.

Rrrrawwwrrrr! Queen bee Rhi Rhi turning it out.

Guess you weren't kidding about brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack...looks like you bathed in it too. I am going to go out on a limb here and say that if she didn't have a '$' in her name, no one would care about Ke$ha.

Wannabe Rhianna

Another reason to think before you ink. Tats + evening attire are always questionable, yet Pink is the only one butch enough to pull it off.

We get it, you are doing the double arm pop to make them look thinner. Unfortunately, it just brings attention to your arm flab insecurity.

Ya, I've had like 5 kids, and I am still smokin' hot.

Hey, Wyatt Earp called and he's looking for his tie.