Best Walk of Shame PSA Ever!

Dressing like a woman of the night does no favors for you the next morning.  Best to keep it classy, covered up, and a wee bit conservative.  Thanks Harvey Nics!

Keeping it Classy Poolside

I am in Houston for the wedding of a dear friend of mine this weekend, and while I was flying in I looked down over the neighborhoods and from my bird's eye view it seemed like everyone and their mother had a swimming pool.  A nonexistent luxury in NYC (if you don't count the beach/Hamptons/upstate house), I fondly remember spending entire summers swimming like a fish as a kid in Texas.  Unfortunately, the water is an easy place to let a little too loose.  So, enjoy the weekend, perfect your swan dive, and look fabulous while doing it! 

Keeping it classy at the pool or the beach:

1.  Swimwear - When in doubt go for the one-piece.  I would much rather be the hot girl covered up than the maven of the muffin top in a too-itsy bikini.  The one-piece is also my favorite look if I know I am going to a day long pool party because I can eat and drink all I want and don't have to worry about nip slips, rolls, and other hazards of two-piece suits.  The great thing is that there are tons of sexy (and budget friendly) one-pieces out there from J.Crew and American Apparel.

2.  Sunscreen - The more the better and reapply, reapply, reapply!  I am terrified when I look back on my former paper bag-like complexion from my Texas days.  And, thanks to Facebook stalking I can check out the photos of the tanorexics at my high school and see what overexposure does to you first hand.  Really, some of these girls look 5-10 years older because of their skin.  If you choose to roast yourself into George Hamilton it would be wise for you to start saving now for your future facelift.

3.  Wear a hat - Hats are totally 'now' whether they are glamorously shaped or quirky fedoras or trilbies, and they are a perfect accessory to your swimsuit.  Most importantly, you are probably cutting down on your future dermatology bills each time you wear one outside...and looking mighty stylish at the same time.

4. Paint your toenails - I always joke that the only thing cheaper in New York City is a mani/pedi.  Get one, or do it yourself.  It is no longer winter so get those peds in tip top shape.

5. Shave/Wax - This is a no brainer, and I don't need to go into it.

6. Towel - Trade in that ratty old beach towel.  Towels have a limited lifespan, and like getting new socks you are always ask yourself why you didn't do this sooner.  Don't feel like you need a chic Hermes towel for hundreds of dollars.  I love beach towels from Target.

7.  Beach Bag - This is a great opportunity to grow up a little and loose the backpack.  Spring for a proper canvas bag (monogram initials, or too preppy?) from LL Bean, Land's End, or I have even seen some great canvas totes at J. Crew illustrated by the one and only Richard Haines.  

8.  Bring something - Invited to a friend's house to spend the afternoon lounging poolside?  Don't arrive empty handed.  A bottle of rosé, a few bags of great potato chips, or fresh flowers will be truly appreciated.

Have a fabu weekend!

Photos by Slim Aarons

Lady or a Tramp?

What is the #1 way to be completely chic, sophisticated, and utterly charming?  I'll give you a hint....it won't cost you a single cent.  Give up?  Simple as it sounds, it's to act classy.  And, I don't in any way intend for you to turn into Betty Draper, nor do I claim to be Miss Manners.  But, a lady is pulled together, witty, never loses her cool, and ultimately polite to those around her.   In this rampant age of celebrities behaving badly, j.b.f. hair, and sexting, a little lady-like behavior will easily throw you into that upper eschelon of chic.

Are you a lady or a tramp?  In honor of his new book, Classy, take Derek Blasberg's classy quiz on Style.com.

Want to up your classy quotient?  Start today with these 10 things.

1- Say please and thank you.

2- Send thank you notes.  Mail is best, email is ok, texting is better than nothing.

3- Show just enough skin.  If you are showing a lotta leg, keep the arms covered and vice versa.

4- Learn to eat properly.  Nothing is worse than watching your dinner companion shovel food into their mouth like a caveman. 

5- Don't be a diva.  Nothing will make you look like pond scum faster than acting like a diva.  Be nice to waiters, greeters, hotel staff, etc.  Don't make their job any more difficult than it is.

6- Head home at 2am.  Trust me, the party has hit its peak, and you need your beauty sleep.

7-  Don't arrive at a party empty-handed.  Bring your host a little something: wine, ice, flowers, etc.

8-  Be punctual. There is a fine line between 'fashionably late' and 'rude late'.  Try to keep it in the former.

9- Be informed.  I am not talking about turning into a news junkie, but jump on the NY Times website, Huffington Post, or pick up some magazines to keep up with current affairs. (US Weekly doesn't count)
 

10-  Never lose your cool - The pen is mightier than the sword, so a witty blow is much more effective than a cat fight on the street. 

The Art of Working a Room

I am in the thick of my minimum one book a month New Year's resolution, and this month finds me in the middle of a book called Disco Bloodbath.  Don't laugh.  I inherited this book from an old boyfriend of a friend, and I am finally getting around to reading it.  I won't bore you with the gory details as the title suggests, but I just loved this little bit about how to work a room.  Really an important skill for anyone, but the delivery is kind of spot on and completely worth a whirl.

For this exercise you need a partner.  You must always have a partner when going to functions...no one wants to tell people they showed up alone or latch onto a newfound friend like a social parasite.

"Enter the room in a clatter of commotion.  Circle the room, once together, smiling and saying hello to every person in the room.  Even if you don't know them.  Especially if you don't know them.  Pretend that you do.  You should make a snappy comment about something they're wearing.  Smile and acknowledge every person in the room...in a clockwise rotation--never stopping, never pausing--always moving, always smiling...brilliant...animated...ON!  (This takes 20-25 minutes) 

Then separate!

Both of you circle, alone, in opposite directions.  Pretend you are searching for each other and be sure to involve every person in the club in your desperate hunt. (This should take no longer than 25 minutes)

Finally, regroup and scream with transcendental bliss at the thrill of finding one and other again.  Now, lock arms and work the whole room again, telling all your newfound friends not to worry, we found each other.

Then leave.  Never stay longer than an hour and a half.  Always leave them wanting more."

 Now on to the Very Important Life Lessons:

1. If you are at a party with a photographer, always stand on the right side of the people you are taking photos with.  This way, in the picture, you will be on the left and the caption will read, "Barbara K. and so-and-so were at whatever gala," so psychologically, you will get top billing. 

2. Try to get your picture taken...for Patrick McMullan, Facebook, whatever.  It's like the whole 'if a tree falls in the forest and no one is around, does it make a sound'.  Where you really there? 

3. Wear something interesting...but not too interesting.  In a sea of black and gray wear a shot of color or wear bright lipstick and you will automatically look more interesting and stand out.  But, don't look like a freak or completely out of place.  I know of a gay male friend who wore a sequin tank top to La Caprice at The Pierre and was never allowed back.

4. Go to everything you are invited to.  I joke that I know people who would go to the opening of an envelope...and guess what--they are invited to everything.  Even if you only stay for 30 minutes and have a cocktail, your name was checked off on the guest list.  RSVP-ing yes and not showing is no bueno.

As the author of Disco Bloodbath, James St. James says, "Do this every night, for three months, at the hottest club in town, and I personally guarantee that for the rest of your life you will know everybody in every room of every party, everywhere."  Haha.

Excerpts from Disco Bloodbath by James St. James (c) 1999 Simon & Schuster

Hearing Loss is Not Chic

For anyone who is a slave to public transportation, this next post is going to ring true to you all.

For heaven's sake people, turn down your ipods! You know the scene in the movie The Graduate where that guy has one word for Benjamin "Plastics!"....well if that movie were to be filmed in 2009 that word would be "Hearing Loss!" (actually two words). It doesn't have the same ring to it (har har), but judging from the number of people I see, and unfortunately hear, on the subway each morning, becoming a hearing loss specialist is the career money tree of the future. We are going to have an entire generation of citizens saying What? and Huh? so brush up on your sign language now. Yes, I understand that you love your Pokerface at 9am, but the rest of us just aren't ready. This morning the gentleman across the car from me was listening to some type of death metal which might signal mental illness at that time of day (in which case he should visit a hearing specialist and a therapist). Regardless, please recognize that your choice of tunes in the a.m. might not be what the other 30 people in the subway car would like to start their day with.

Lesson Learned: If you pull the ear bud out of your ear and you can still hear it....well guess what, so can everyone else. Please, do your ears and ours a favor and turn it down.

Betty Draper Eat Your Heart Out

A fur collar and ankle booties make grocery shopping that much more fun.

Walk of Shame Etiquette

Ladies, ladies, ladies....I think this is going to be the first installment of Ms. Barbara's Charm School on how look classy and project classiness at all moments.

This post was inspired by stepping off the subway this morning to see a girl 15 feet ahead of me in a sequined, short cocktail dress, black leather cropped jacket, heels, and a bad case of JBF* hair. She looked like something that was soaked in a bucket of martini and left to dry in a crumpled ball at the bottom of the laundry hamper. At 9:15 on a Thursday morning this is quite a site to see amongst the other commuters, and the immediate thought that popped in my head was, "Well, at least someone is getting laid." But, those of us who live in Manhattan know this is a small island where one bumps into friends and acquaintances all the time, and I know I don't want the ho-bag police sounding the alert if I bump into one of them.

Etiquette Lesson #1: If you decide to have a weeknight shack attack (or any night for that matter), please don't take the subway home the next morning. Splurge and TAKE A CAB!!

* Just Been Fucked